Today on my way to school I walked through the university’s car park. There’s normally nothing spectacular about this particular space. Safe for an occasional flashy car or the intruiging Jopo retro bikes or the parking attendants happily fining illegally parked cars *I’ve been a victim on occasion* story for another day. Am just happy to be writing again.
So, back to the car park, I have decided to be walking more and driving less, my concentration on the road has deteriorated somewhat and I find that am that annoying driver who daydreams at the traffic lights, forgets to indicate when turning or changing lanes. Yes, I am that unpleasant but it’s not my fault. I think of her all the time.
This morning was no different, except that I wasn’t behind a wheel. You see, I bid mama goodbye last year December 14th. My biggest unexpected, untimely, most shocking *there aren’t sufficient adjectives to describe it* experience of my entire life. On that Saturday I was 34 years, 3 months and 79 days old. Those years instantly died with her and on the Sunday that followed I woke up a newly born 34 years, 3 months and 80 days older woman. This is who I am today. Back to the car park, a striking sight caught my eye and interfered with my thoughts.
As the winter passes and the snow melts away, bare land gets uncovered. Places where last summer’s grass grew are exposed as ugly, dead, dry hay alike and hopeless surfaces, as if nothing good can be yielded from them. This describes exactly my path this morning. But the most beautiful thing was happening and that’s the basis of this post today
A few beautiful yellow flowers were growing out of this nothingness. My heart leaped and I took a photo.
This will always remind me that death does give birth. My mama left, but I was reborn into a woman whose description I cannot pen down. Every dawning day I face the reality of her absence but I also gaze at the beauty of this new child re-learning all the things she thought she knew and opening her mind to the totally different perspective her life has taken. Am amazed.
I miss you like I cannot describe; I feel you in everything.