My heart breaks with you, all you who called her sister, sinister a deed as this, causes beautiful memories to fester, like a leprosy. My aunty, cousin, niece, friend, colleague, neighbor…. My soul is lost, so lost with yours, you remain the amazing lady she called mother. Dismayed, my spirit is dismayed with yours, two adorable angels who called her mother. I am mobbed, mobbed by the maze your robbed soul finds itself in, a long dark Jordan. A walk you must bear alone and guide your broke home through. I summon the gods, for beat you must these odds.
Yesterday was one very bleak day, but for others, bleak doesn’t even come close to describing what an ordinary dawn dragged along. i spent most of my day in a daze, oscillating between images of you, your beautiful face and gentle smile *as i remember it* what your last thoughts may have been, how this will pass, if it ever does. I think i’ll be stuck here for sometime; i still refuse to accept it. No, this happens to other people, people i read about in the news. Not you!
What darkness is this that engulfs a soul so much, that all the love and laughter is drowned in an ocean of a mighty non yielding despair? Why can’t a timely intervention occur, at the point where all the highs have been chased to avoid all the lows and you find yourself on your last drop? Lupita Nyongo during a recent Hollywood roundtable quoted Khalil Gibran ‘The deeper sorrow carves itself into your being, the more joy you can contain.’ I wish this was remotely possible for you. I wish this quote would have come alive for you.
I don’t know what shape this grief will take; for its nature is far from the norm. I can imagine the stilled breathing people trying not to cry – yet sobbing hard anyway. I don’t know how long the going continues after this, especially by that spot, an involuntary shrine. One way or another, life must go on, you must love each other, together, like crazy. This one is messy