Our bitterness does not come from the fact that we’ve been hurt.
Our bitterness comes from the fact that those who have hurt us remain perpetually unrepentant.
Our bitterness comes from the fact that those who have hurt us go unpunished, make no penance and show no contrition.
And so our wounds remain gaping, our sense of violation festers like a sore and the injustices we have suffered silently, become loud screams in our heads.
I paraphrase an amazing Zimbabwean blogger Itsdelta whose sentiments are like a script in my mind. Cat out of bag *side wink* consequence of choices
will be is with me. The masses are all about forgive and forget but i think that’s not necessarily the way forward; for if you forgive, you must be somehow putting an end to the morass you find yourself in and if you don’t forgive you resolve to endure it. I therefore think of bitterness as an antidote, when prescribed in the right dosage for a defined duration; just swallow it and think of great things you will get to do when you are robust again. Easy said huh?
Am generally a jovial, easy going, carefree almost stress free type. An upper tight lipped one in the face of adversity, one who would easily sink in despondency and folk around me would have no inkling *been there* an attribute i have alway credited my incredible longevity. I find that i progressively embraced this trait and owned it as a core part of my personality but unfortunately failed to realize that life in its complexities will vex me back and forth,side to side in ways that i’d find bulky and agonizing. Ways that would shake my facade. I now recognize and acknowledge it as that. My perfect involuntary facade. Involuntary because i always considered it fortitude.
I have come to discover, that hurt, frustration, neglect especially from kin and loved ones pushes us to unfathomable depths, reticence, disengagement as we try to deduce it all. I found myself in that quagmire and went through the pandemonium it drags along. After close to 120 days, random occurrences led to an unlikely intervention. My prescribed dosage of bitterness is now over, am anticipating wellness and in as much as i know i will still drink from this cup again and again, am now more judicious knowing that another overdose of this nature will certainly kill me.
‘As children, our imaginations are vibrant, and our hearts are open. We believe that the bad guy always loses and that the tooth fairy sneaks into our rooms at night to put money under our pillow. Everything amazes us, and we think anything is possible. We continuously experience life with a sense of newness and unbridled curiosity’ Yehuda Berg.
As i learn how to tap into the junior me, i know i’ll definitely draw from this well *life has more than enough in store* from time to time, i resolve to ingest hastily not willing to linger on; for of what use is a nasty aftertaste and bile in my system?
Embarking on a newness journey. All in my next post.